I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
