never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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