they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
