i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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