Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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