Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
