No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
