i was born a porn star she said
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
