Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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