About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
