Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
