Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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