I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
