I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
