They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
