we have officially lost it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
