So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize