finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
