Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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