i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
