I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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