my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
