i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
