Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
