But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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