I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
