Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Pants are for mortals
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