The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
