YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
