I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
