I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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