I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
