I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
