sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
