true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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