Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
