hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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