so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
