it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
