I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
