So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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