i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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