Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
