Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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