my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
