i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
