Jerry, you need to find god
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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