imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
