how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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