I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
