she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
