Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
