Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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