I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
