Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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