Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
