I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
