just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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