I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize