What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
