If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
