My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize