I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you win again, gameday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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