Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
