Already got asked if we're dating
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
