chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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