Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I had to cum in my sink.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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