Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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