Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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