That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
